Monthly Archives: December 2015

Rent is for a townhouse and its is in both our names

Electric is high but our electric company says its for heat as we are an end unit house and have bad insulation

Water is Laundry we do an average of 2 loads a day.

I own all the cars out right. We have no payments except for the loan I am paying off through my job.

Reducing the cable bill to basic only , debating on the landline as the younger kids use it to contact us.

Cell phone is for 2 of the kids, and they help with this bill when they can. Husband pays for his own phone seperate from ours.

Alot of this I know but somethimes it helps to have others point it out. Thanks for your time and your feedback, its appreciated.

This is the best response

We are actually looking at Tmobile. It is almost 200 cheaper. Everything is seperate. We share no bank accounts, and the cars are in my name only. Only because he would sell it righ out from under me to take care a gambling urge. Actually ALL the bills except our lease are in my name, hence why I have all the debt and need to clean it up inorder to make some life changes.

I really do appreciate all the advice. And now I need to go call Tmobile 😉

Tmobile will buy out your contract

and they have a special going for $100/month, unlimited talk text and data for 4 lines. That is something concrete which will buy you breathing room.

Cable/internet/landline. If you have an unlimited talk/text you might not need a landline. Scary, but it’s not so bad once you take the plunge. $260 is really high, IMO. Even with all three, you likely could trim that back to a $100 a month plan (basic cable, decent internet, landline.) Check competitors.

The rest of what I’m going to say will likely not sit well with the group. My comments come from a place of Been There, Done That, and sometimes Still Doing It. Apologies in advance.

1. You CAN get out of debt on your own. Sure it would be nice to have your partner along for the ride, but in the real world sometimes that doesn’t happen. And waiting for it to happen isn’t going to get you out of debt. Continue taking back your power.

2. You are doing a great job keeping your emotional head above water. I GET why your Cable/Internet/Landline is so high: it’s ONE LESS THING your family can bitch to you about. I get it, I understand it, and I even support the “old you” in doing it.

But I am going to suggest that the things you did to mollify and keep the peace aren’t working for you anymore.

3. You cannot change your husband. But you CAN influence your children. Get them involved in a budget meeting. Give them power in having a say in how (your) money is spent. It creates buy in, cooperation and most importantly, creates a new family tree for them.

4. IF YOU HAVE A JOINT ACCOUNT, CLOSE IT NOW and put ALL YOUR MONEY into a separate, solely owned and accessed by YOU account. Hopefully you have already done this as part of taking back your power. You cannot control what he contributes, but you CAN control what he TAKES.

5. You have likely already decided that the emotional and hassle cost of getting a divorce is higher than the cost of letting things go on. I’m not going to tell you that is right or wrong, but I will suggest that you start looking in to Co-Dependents Anonymous (CODA) meetings.

When I led coping skills workshops for battered women, I would always make someone come up to the front of the group and ask them to (gently) push me in the shoulder and keep doing it no matter what. They’d push for a little while, then I’d say things like “stop, don’t do that, yada yada.” They’d stop and I’d direct them to keep going, they were supposed to keep pushing no matter what.

So they’d resume.

Then I would step to the side. They’d stop. I said, NO, keep pushing in the same spot just like you’ve been doing. They would look confused because now I was out of range. I’d say, go on, keep pushing, same spot.

It only took a few more seconds for them to realize the important life lesson: IT ONLY TAKES ONE PERSON TO CHANGE THE DYNAMIC. When you change YOU, by default you force the other person to change too.

(at least as it pertains to your relationship with them.)

I suggest looking for prepaid phones

You can get unlimited straight talk $48.92 a line includes tax. You can drop the cable for netflix. Also drop the landline. I would get to couponing. I love the blog common sense with money. She has a free couponing ebook. Those are the ones I see right up front.

Where are you located?

Because from my Okie point of view some of this sounds a little high, but if you are in some place like CA then it’s pretty close to average for your basics.

Let the old debts alone as long as they aren’t hollering at you. As DR says, “don’t poke the bear”.

You make too much money to get your student loan put into forbearance. Whose student loan is it? Yours, your husbands, or a child? If it is your husband’s then it is not your bill, he needs to make that payment himself since he’s not paying anything else. I figure, however, it’s for the child that is no longer living at home. Did the child take out loans too? If not, could they perhaps pay some on the loan each month. After all it was their education not yours.

What is the loan for may I ask?

My suggestion, lay this in front of your husband and say “the kids and bills are half yours. I need you to start paying your half.” If he refuses to, then you need to decide what is truly best for you and the children, because you are feeding him, clothing him and all the other stuff I mentioned earlier. Your money will go a lot further if you aren’t doing that. Plain and simple.
It’s time for him to man up.